Tired of trying to have the perfect arms, flat stomach, best eyebrows (yah I messed them up and can never get them back to looking even), perfectly shaped legs. You get my drift right?
Am I happy with my arms, HECK NO!!! I have a definite fat flap on my left arm and the right one – its hit or miss. My tummy sticks out all the time, I hate sitting down in pictures – or when I realize what I look like to everyone else that sees me sitting down. Can you say DISGUSTING. I have really broad shoulders and I look super, extra, gigantically wide when my boyfriend takes pictures of us with his arm extended far away (every girl’s selfie worst nightmare, TRUST ME!). #allthecloseups
But honestly – I’m at the point where I just don’t care anymore. This is me. So it is what it is. Not everyone is made to be a size 2, 6, 12, 18, 26. And regardless of what that darned number is – its only one part of me. Albeit, important when it affects your health and the rest of the consequences that follow along with it. But it certainly doesn’t define my personality, character, “loveability”. (You know I just created that word, because my spelling check has a red squiggly line under “loveability” right?). #trademarkthatish
Moving on – I think I’ve been hung up on that for so long that it actually hinders my success. Now – don’t quote me on that, this could just be one big excuse for not wanting to get off the couch. For whatever reason, I just had the epiphany today that I need to stop caring about the weight. I need to stop living in the past when I was in the 160s and looking amazing in my size 12s – because even where I’m at right now… someone thinks I look beautiful amidst all the flaws I’ve conjured up in my head – and I should really take that to heart and own it; instead of finding ways to negate it. And HELLO, PS: I did lose 30 pounds since last November.. HELLO HI!!!!!!
And if that love means feeding it whole and nutritious food then great, cause you know I do love me some green smoothies (check here, here and here)! On the other hand, if that means having my FREE LUNCH AT WORK include: rice, a Korean burger, a grilled cheese sandwich and tomato basil bisque as I sit next to my co-worker/Dietician… then so (freaking) be it. You know what I mean jelly bean?
Quite frankly, I have all the tools and resources to be healthy. I’ve done LA Weightloss. I’ve done Weight Watchers. I’ve read up on South Beach, Whole 30 yada yada yada... Not to mention, professionally – I’m a Certified Dietary Manager (ie: did schooling, sat for a national exam – as in I get to sign my professional name with abbreviations at the end). I get paid to identify nutrition problems, complete nutritional screenings and assessments, provide diet education, analyze intake and weights, etc.
I am happy with just about every aspect of my life except for my appearance and weight – until today. Today I say, screw you size 12 and 160s. Maybe I’ll see you one day in the future, maybe I won’t. Maybe one day I’ll zip right past you down to the 150s. Who knows, but today? Today I’m going to love me exactly the way I am. Because the hate fueled dieting is not working out at all. Hate fueled working out doesn’t work. Why? Because I’m so bent on the negative feelings that I can’t kick myself out of the slump to do anything productive. Now it sounds like a little bit of anger, is this the twelve step process?? No, but really – maybe a little anger is good. Being angry that I hated for so long and wasted that time instead of loving myself like I should have been all along.
So I’m trying a different approach and that is just simply to love myself and the body that I have. I am going to work on accepting my curves, my flaws. Learning how to own them and rock them. And maybe, just maybe then – I’ll start to see those small lifestyle changes that will add up in a big way with my health and physical appearance.
SO here’s to loving yourself and your life, living the best life for you and EMBRACING THE BASS!!